July 2nd, 2013 (actual date written)
I wrote about my personal battle with PCOS a little over a year ago. Since then I have been trying everything-- from apple cider vinegar, to herbal tea, to supplements, to a new ObGyn, to the Zone, to a new training schedule, to acupuncture-- the list could go on. From all of this, I have learned so much! I am way more equipped to work with women battling this syndrome, and my knowledge about my body and proper supplementation has improved 10-fold. I can truly say I am smarter and know so much more about the body then I did a year ago.
HOWEVER, it is a year later, and I have seen a shift, but I'm still not where I want to be physically, and I have yet to conquer the endocrine aspect of the syndrome. Needless to say, I am stumped and a bit frustrated. I know it takes time with issues like this, especially if they have been going on for years, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal.
On Sunday (aka: yesterday), I had an epiphany. I was at church and the sermon was on The Weight of Joy & Obedience. The message hit me like a ton of bricks. (For those of you who are not Christians, this part of my blog may be a foreign territory. Just hear me out). The very thing I have not done with battling PCOS is give it completely over to Jesus. I have been doing everything in my power to beat this syndrome, but when it comes down to it, I cannot do it myself. What I got from Sunday's message was to simply be obedient. Lay all the burdens of what I am battling at His feet and allow Jesus to heal me. It sounds so simple yet it is so hard when you are someone like me who wants to be in control and have an answer to problems. I left church lighter, thankful, and more free. I don't know what will happen next, but I do know it's not up to me.
I will continue to do everything I have been doing for my body to battle PCOS, but now I am viewing it as just a piece to a puzzle and not the end all be all. I have been blessed to work the educated, caring individuals who are helping me tremendously, and I will continue to work with them as well as educate myself to be on the cutting edge of research in this area, but I understand more fully this can only take me so far. I have given up trying to control every aspect and allow God to do His work in me.
Here it is a year later, and the one step I had yet to do, should have been the very first step I took when I was first diagnosed. Live and learn---> obedience and faith.